every night I come home to uncertainty...
I am drained from the day
looking for comfort and love...
every evening I return to the unsettled waves of my life...
home to HER...
and what she does is simple...
emasculation
degradation
disrespect
and
anger venting...

every night I am in the way when she wants to throw up...
every night I am glared at for knowing too much...
and every night she tells me more...
does she hope it will kill me or make me her friend?

to talk about the guys she's traded phone numbers with...
to go on about how she cares for someone else...
to call him sweety or honey or anything
to think about how she will never call me handsome again.


every night I am emptied and hollowed...
and I allow it ... it is the price I pay
I say...
to have my boys in my life.

this mess must end...
I can't give up but I can't do this any more either...

I fucking hate / love / hate /love / hate / love...
I fucking hurt /care / hurt / care / hurt / care...

don't wanna love anymore
don't wanna care
don't have the strength to carry this load.

oh Lord... have mercy!






Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."