how to evaluate the past few days...

I love Venita so much...
she is the mother of my children - we have so much history and love in common.
I am getting tired of being the only one here for the last 4 years.

I know you THINK you love HIM but you HAVE NEVER MET THE MAN.
get over your silly fantasy - your husband begs you every ...EVERY day.

if someone cared I would say...

venita you are a nut case!
I am really stupid for loving you.
stupid for having made our 3 beautiful children...

you tell the boys one thing...
tell me nothing...
tell yourself a fantasy...


************
I have tried to protect my heart some by talking on line and strengthening my friendships...
but I really only truly want my life back.

I miss my wife... and my life... I hate drifting through...
paying for everything and always being broke...
she gives me no chance.

...writing him just about every day and thinking about meeting and having sex with others...
she says she loves me but doesn't feel "that way" about me and I guess she stays to not hurt her children. This is simply sad and awful... I love her so much and she writes to this man who never responds... a man who has left her time and again.

Because he knew they shouldn't be together...

I am sooooo angry - angry and tonight I have a sore throat and earache....

I want to be loved.
I miss being cared about.

I don't understand where my spirit angel is so I go snooping...

************

awwbabygirl (5:46:55 AM): U should know...Ur the last thought before I sleep and the first sleepy groggy thought that starts my day. Ur so important to me Papi...I'm off to start my day bright and early. Have a great day my love! XOXOX
awwbabygirl (6:13:35 PM): A fun dinner tonight Papi. Boys are having pop corn fish sticks and steak fries. Mom is having artichoke/ spinach dip and bread sticks, bouorbon chicken strips and bake potato skins. House is warm and cozy and smells yummy the hot artichoke and spinach has garllic...yummrs . Wish U were here...Happy Firday Mario!

*************

feb 11

awwbabygirl (7:30:59 AM): Love U XOXOXOX
awwbabygirl (10:59:37 PM): Got my hair done today. Wish U were here to tell me I look pretty, run Ur fingers thru my hair and pull my lips in a soft kiss, swat my ass and tell me to get to the bed Papi wants some loving....

**************
feb 10

awwbabygirl (8:18:38 AM): morning ...allen park...and U?
antonio_49017 (8:20:05 AM): kalamazoo, but wow I lived in Allen Park for years close to the High school
awwbabygirl (8:20:17 AM): i am near arno
antonio_49017 (8:20:27 AM): ok
antonio_49017 (8:20:44 AM): so tell me how was you heart broke?
awwbabygirl (8:21:14 AM): oh oh lol after a normal.. do the right thing life... i turned dumb and got hurt...
awwbabygirl (8:21:54 AM): fell in love and I shouldn't have ... and he o far as to tell my hubby heloved me and wanted to be with me... and then dumped me right before Christmas... not
awwbabygirl (8:22:16 AM): cause he doesnt love me but cause he doesnt want to break up my family...make my boys cry
awwbabygirl (8:22:27 AM): so dumb girl... and omg i hate it when i am dumb lol
antonio_49017 (8:22:49 AM): and hubby left too?
awwbabygirl (8:23:05 AM): sorry.. bad typing.. i havent had my coffee yet lol
awwbabygirl (8:23:39 AM): no i begged him to move but he stayed here.. and he wont stop trying... says there is no one like me
antonio_49017 (8:23:43 AM): is husband and you still together?
awwbabygirl (8:23:56 AM): sorta ..
awwbabygirl (8:24:04 AM): i want a divorce and cant afford it..
awwbabygirl (8:24:34 AM): we are staying in thehouse for theobys.. james 9, andy 7, and marcus 5.. til i can afford a place of my own...
awwbabygirl (8:25:03 AM): no fighting ..just kinda sad huh ?
antonio_49017 (8:25:14 AM): no chance of working it out with husband
awwbabygirl (8:25:29 AM): no i dont think so....
awwbabygirl (8:25:58 AM): i love him.. he is my best friend.. but i am not in love with him...
awwbabygirl (8:26:23 AM): and that doesnt seem to be repairing itself
awwbabygirl (8:27:31 AM): wow..lol.. nothinglike a heavy conversation that makes me look like a jerk roflmao
awwbabygirl (8:27:42 AM): so tell me bout U
awwbabygirl (8:27:45 AM):
antonio_49017 (8:29:34 AM): wow it must be something in Allen Park. When I lived there my wife had affair. and i tried my best to make her see I loved her and it didn't matter what had happen. But she said the something you just did. She loved me but wasn't in love with me. That i was her best friend but she left me anyways it took me a long time to get over it we were married for 10 years
awwbabygirl (8:30:01 AM): OMG.. i am sorry.. We have been 14 years...
awwbabygirl (8:30:14 AM): and u have to know... This isn't like me...
awwbabygirl (8:30:23 AM): so maybe it is allen park lol
antonio_49017 (8:30:41 AM): wasn't like her either i think that was the problem
awwbabygirl (8:30:48 AM): i am a California girl originally..Married and allen park guy
awwbabygirl (8:31:21 AM): ur probably right... its hard to be so far out of ur personality and comfort zone...
antonio_49017 (8:31:29 AM): she was so upset by what she did she couldn't forgive herself
awwbabygirl (8:31:46 AM): at least i managed to never act upon it...
awwbabygirl (8:31:58 AM): i understand that feeling..
awwbabygirl (8:32:18 AM): part of me would rather start again.. than stay
antonio_49017 (8:32:23 AM): but if husband can forgive then you should too
awwbabygirl (8:32:47 AM): yes.. but i don't feel the way he wants... and he knows the difference
awwbabygirl (8:32:52 AM): and its sad
antonio_49017 (8:33:26 AM): love is like anything else you have to work at it
awwbabygirl (8:33:34 AM): yes...
awwbabygirl (8:33:47 AM): it has been almost 4 years now
antonio_49017 (8:33:57 AM): wow
awwbabygirl (8:34:16 AM): since i met theothr man... never kissed him.. never had dinner.... but how i feel hasnt changed
awwbabygirl (8:34:52 AM): to put it bluntly.. i am fucked....lol
antonio_49017 (8:35:15 AM): may I ask how sex life with husband?
awwbabygirl (8:35:25 AM): but i am not a quitter.... There is always something to love in every day
awwbabygirl (8:35:34 AM): i stopped having it...
antonio_49017 (8:35:47 AM): for four years?
awwbabygirl (8:35:52 AM): ummm no
awwbabygirl (8:36:19 AM): we made love bout 10 times last year... down from bout 10 times a week for all the years before...
awwbabygirl (8:36:33 AM): and ummmm i tried thispast week... and
awwbabygirl (8:36:54 AM): i would be better off with a stranger... it doesnt feel right
awwbabygirl (8:36:58 AM): makes me cry
antonio_49017 (8:37:19 AM): I'm so sorry to hear that
awwbabygirl (8:37:38 AM): my entire world has changed and its hard to recognize myself sometimes...
awwbabygirl (8:38:05 AM): you know... this is not a great representaion of who i am
awwbabygirl (8:38:09 AM): in total..lol
awwbabygirl (8:38:32 AM): i am a very wonderful, femine, sexy, smart, funny woman
antonio_49017 (8:38:37 AM): with my life i try not to judge other people
antonio_49017 (8:39:00 AM): well you sure look attractive
awwbabygirl (8:39:45 AM): aww ty.. iam not too good in pics...ur like the real girl so much better lol
antonio_49017 (8:40:14 AM): well would love to meet the real girl
awwbabygirl (8:40:28 AM): ummm i like lunches...
antonio_49017 (8:40:41 AM): yes
awwbabygirl (8:40:45 AM): a safe way to meet in public in the day tee hee
antonio_49017 (8:41:03 AM): that would work for me
awwbabygirl (8:41:17 AM): are u ever near allen park anymore?
antonio_49017 (8:41:50 AM): I travel alot for my job so yes I'm there every other week or so
awwbabygirl (8:41:58 AM): cool...
awwbabygirl (8:42:26 AM): i work while the boys are in school but ususally can adjust my schedule
awwbabygirl (8:42:49 AM): we will have to chat and get to know each other better...
antonio_49017 (8:42:57 AM): sure
awwbabygirl (8:43:24 AM): but baby.. i have some work calls to make ...now that the boys just left for school
awwbabygirl (8:43:42 AM): want to talk later?
antonio_49017 (8:43:47 AM): yes
awwbabygirl (8:43:56 AM): i may be home some today...
antonio_49017 (8:44:14 AM): put me on your list
awwbabygirl (8:44:52 AM): yes
antonio_49017 (8:45:40 AM): great I will be waiting to talk with you later I'm doing paper work today
awwbabygirl (8:46:06 AM): aww ty... see you later MUAH!!!!
antonio_49017 (8:46:21 AM): later bye
antonio_49017 (2:21:15 PM): hello again
awwbabygirl (8:41:32 PM): sorry i missed u...i ended up being gone most of the day ;(...

******************

feb 10

awwbabygirl (9:35:45 AM): Please can we talk? XOXOX
awwbabygirl (9:49:28 PM): Missing the thought of Ur kiss Papi...

***********

feb 9

awwbabygirl (3:28:47 PM): Got Ur pic up...and Ileave the IM on, just in case, maybe today will be the day. Everyday, I pick up the phone to call U...girls aren't suppose to call boys...it's not polite or lady like...so I stop. Oh Mario, please...OOOXXXOXOXOO
**************

feb 8

awwbabygirl (8:34:46 PM): Missing U Papi...Loving U still...V

**************

feb 7

awwbabygirl (12:51:09 PM): Papi,
awwbabygirl (12:52:20 PM): Made Ur salsa...omg too good!! I am having some right now . Ty for the recipe...now I really want to cook with U!!! What else U got baby?

**************

feb 6

awwbabygirl (10:22:44 PM): Ur on my mind Papi...sending U some love and a kiss MUAH!!

**************

feb 4

awwbabygirl (5:13:00 AM): Yuck! Its a little after 5:00 and I am out the door to the gym...wish I was back in my warm bed! Seriously, I like working out so this will be fun. Got my head phones and some rump shaking music . I am thinking of U Papi and sending a smile and a kiss....
awwbabygirl (7:41:29 AM): Back from the gym ! Today breakfast is good. I went thru the Crispy Creme drive thru and got 3 donuts ( so as not to tempt myself lol). Here is the deal...get dressed, eat a banana and get a donut !!! U can choose hot chocolate or orange juice....as for me..naked and wet in the shower XOXOOOOXXXXX

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