time off for the summer
been thinking lots but not writing much....just two entries that were at the msn space and not here....
hopefully I'll get back to blogging....
it seems worthwile
its hard to be honest
it scares me to be telling the truth...
it scares me to live in a world where I feel that way
it keeps my fingers frozen or worse - I pass by the keyboard seeking some other thing to soothe...
real kisses not cyber ones...
real laughter not LOL
fingers frozen
thoughts safely tucked
where hurt can't get in.
july 10th...
I have been avoiding coming here to type...
I ALWAYS type the truth...
I don't wanna look at the truth...
I can't handle the truth...
I need a kiss and a nap and to know its all gonna be a dream when I wake up.
Next I want some ice cream...
and after that more kisses.
snail is fighting her fight.
I am surviving but not much alive...
I'm sorry...
I am not sure of exactly what I am supposed to do.
whether I try hard or whether I don't
whether I cheat or whether I don't
nothing seems to matter.
just keep breathing and outlasting.
just keep it together
and know WHY another day.
august 7th - for snail
I soooo enjoy you being here...
just feeling you in my arms...
fills my lungs with the stuff that keeps me alive and fighting for it all.
I spend so much of my time battling, fighting, surviving - enduring...
and time with you seems like a dream - tucked away, unspoken - hard to believe even sometimes that its real. But it is real.
As I have said to you...
I get nervous and worried that what we share isn't perfect...
and that it will end or maybe that it can't grow as fast as we'd like.
I want to treat you fairly and with respect...
be your friend that takes you from crayons to perfume.
Imagine being trapped under the ice... just strugglilng from air pocket to air pocket... smashing your fists against the ice all around...
knowing that its not right to live this way - fighting to survive.
And then comes time to plan for "us time" - wanting it to happen, scared that it won't happen... trying NOT to be overwhelmed by thoughts and worries... wanting it to be perfect and striving to get everything in.
Working to repair you and me.
Later comes the time when you are in my arms, I'm breathing out and breathing in...
growing accustumed to your face...
and thinking why does this feeling ever have to end?
"how your soul learns... blessed and burned in the fire of your life!"
hopefully I'll get back to blogging....
it seems worthwile
its hard to be honest
it scares me to be telling the truth...
it scares me to live in a world where I feel that way
it keeps my fingers frozen or worse - I pass by the keyboard seeking some other thing to soothe...
real kisses not cyber ones...
real laughter not LOL
fingers frozen
thoughts safely tucked
where hurt can't get in.
july 10th...
I have been avoiding coming here to type...
I ALWAYS type the truth...
I don't wanna look at the truth...
I can't handle the truth...
I need a kiss and a nap and to know its all gonna be a dream when I wake up.
Next I want some ice cream...
and after that more kisses.
snail is fighting her fight.
I am surviving but not much alive...
I'm sorry...
I am not sure of exactly what I am supposed to do.
whether I try hard or whether I don't
whether I cheat or whether I don't
nothing seems to matter.
just keep breathing and outlasting.
just keep it together
and know WHY another day.
august 7th - for snail
I soooo enjoy you being here...
just feeling you in my arms...
fills my lungs with the stuff that keeps me alive and fighting for it all.
I spend so much of my time battling, fighting, surviving - enduring...
and time with you seems like a dream - tucked away, unspoken - hard to believe even sometimes that its real. But it is real.
As I have said to you...
I get nervous and worried that what we share isn't perfect...
and that it will end or maybe that it can't grow as fast as we'd like.
I want to treat you fairly and with respect...
be your friend that takes you from crayons to perfume.
Imagine being trapped under the ice... just strugglilng from air pocket to air pocket... smashing your fists against the ice all around...
knowing that its not right to live this way - fighting to survive.
And then comes time to plan for "us time" - wanting it to happen, scared that it won't happen... trying NOT to be overwhelmed by thoughts and worries... wanting it to be perfect and striving to get everything in.
Working to repair you and me.
Later comes the time when you are in my arms, I'm breathing out and breathing in...
growing accustumed to your face...
and thinking why does this feeling ever have to end?
"how your soul learns... blessed and burned in the fire of your life!"
posted by Sir(%)withLove at 19:04
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