August and Sept 2006

catching up ...

August 18, 2006
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I have not written in a long time - its all one person's fault but she knows who she is...
strangled my voice as I told her the truth...

how does she live with herself? and how does she not see what he does to her daughter?

August 25, 2006
powerful words from snaileeeooooooooooo
(((the following is from an email she sent me recently - applause and smiles and hugs, snail!)))

The time has come for me to start over, to start my life and live each day, not just to survive it. i need to learn to face my past, deal with it, and accept myself for who i am, not to run and hide and live my life as a lie. i need to find within myself the power to open up to others, to share my story, my pain, my happiness, all of it. Without the help of others, and without allowing myself to open up and become vulnerable i will never heal, and i will keep myself in this viscious cycle that that has kept me down all these years. It scares me to death to think about sharing my pain, my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions, i don't want to be hurt anymore. i am glad i have Joel in my life, and truly believe that i would not be where i am today if it wasn't for Him. He has helped me trough so much,keeping me focused, positive, and reminding me of the better life that is awaiting me. He has never turned His back on me, run away, or judged me, only been there to support me, encourage me, and help me through hard times and for the firt time make happy memories for me. So to my future...where i will succeed, i will overcome my past, i will become the woman i know i can be, and i will live each day to the fullest.

(((I could not be more pleased!!!)))

September 16, 2006

teaching ...growing ...hurting and healing

snail ... says (10:09 PM): Hi Sir

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:12 PM):
I'm teaching sunday school tomorrow
looking over my notes
have the children identify the four specific things that people do in worship

snail ... says (10:12 PM):
i don't even know that

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:13 PM):
teaching the scripture/sermon etc
fellowship///passing of the peace
breaking of bread - communion
and Prayers...all prayers

the 4 aspects are Gather around the Word
Proclaim the Word
Respond to the Wordand go into the World with The Word

snail ... says (10:15 PM):
Wow i don't know like any of this stuff

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:15 PM):
okay so I'm supposed to review this with them
and then we are gonna make blank cards and envelopes
decorated
we are going to talk about the definition of a "blessing" while we do this
and then we will call out the names of people who have blessed us in our lives
and write those names on the board

snail ... says You You You You Mr Joel have blessed me in my life

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:17 PM):
then we write a thak to God on the cards
thanks to God
then we write the names of the people on the board on the envelopes
and they go in the collection plate in the big service

activity 2
is the Lords Prayer

we are gonna try to memorize it by making art pictures of the important words
so ... Father
Father
Heaven

Kingdom

daily bread
forgive our debts
temptation

deilver us from evil
power and
forever
all key words
now mind you
I'm doing K-1 tomorrow
so we won't get a lot done
but we will have fun and learn

then next week I have marcus's group
and the next week Andy's class
andthe next week James group

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:21 PM):
Matthew6
verses 9-13
its worth checking out
that part is good reading

snail ... says (10:22 PM):
i think my bible burnt in the fire but i don't know

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:22 PM):
even if it IS from the bible


snail ... says (10:25 PM):
im sad, lonely, hurting both physically and emotionally


▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:25 PM):
lonely I get that one ugh I miss you

and physically we are working on that right lets remember you are working a plan and success is not fast its slow and steady now if you are down about old hurts...dad etc that's understandable
now that you are away from the abuse you are going to hurt about it
its like peeking under a bandaid and seeing you are not healed yet
that's okay THE POINT is

that you are in a safe place ... safe enough to be ABLE to look around and evaluate what hurts you endured and what parts are still "sore" and all of that self check over stuff
you get sad ...because you lament what has happenned ...blame yourself some and get angry at all of it
all normal
it IS a normal human reaction
all you are doing and feeling
now you also are in charge of what you think and feel
so now when your ready to move past that sad feeling...
you remember ralph marston and his website

its HOW you look at each minute and hour and day that determines how you feel from here on out... LOOK FORWARD snaileeeoo you are GREAT and God wants you to succeed

snail ... says i guess i'm just filled with emotions and feelings and thoughts that get kept up in my little head

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:44 PM): yes exactly listen
listen once more to what I'm saying

snail ... says i don't tell anyone or say anything cause no one understands

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says (10:45 PM):
you have kept lots inside
for a long time
and NOW you are in a safe place
its going to leak out all over the place
when you least expect
and sometimes especially cuz you've had a good day
it will all hit you
▫
what you've been through
and where you've been hurt
IT IS NORMAL
give yourself a break

snail ... says (10:46 PM):
It doesn't feel normal

▫Sìřwith£övê▫ says: do some sit ups and have some comfort tv or music
and write if you can't sleep and get it down
and out of your head
you are sooooooooo uber normal
normal reactions to extraordinary situations
you are human
give you a break
God loves you
your Dog loves you too
and I love you



"how your soul learns... blessed and burned in the fire of your life!"