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You have just sent a Nudge!

۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: wb Sir
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: would You excuse me a moment please Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: yes of course... I'm writing too
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: thank You Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: my fingers are on the keyboard not typing anything
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* why Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: what a weird feeling... been waiting all day to type to you... and fingers are frozen
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* You don't need to type anything Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: I was just blogging spewing writing once upon a time I did a lot more and have been slow since june at typing in my blog journal thingy hehehe watch out ... I should say if we have a great conversation you might end up in my blog
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i don't see how that is a bad thing Sir *smiles*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: not really bad...
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i'm not much of a writer Sir so i guess i really wouldn't understand *offers You a pizza roll*

▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:okay I'll share some if you dont mind
****
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:
well there's been not enough typing and way too much thinking...
you see the point of blogging really for me is to mentally vomit out all that I carry around...
its my place to throw out everything the good and the bad and see what is real...
sometimes just typing something MAKES it look like the truth... but we all know the internet is full of half truth.
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says:
*curls up happily agains You*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:
I wanted this blog, at first, to be the whole truth and let the chips fall where they may...
that worked really well until the day Randy(boyfriend of my good friend, co-parent and still yes... wife venita) read my blog and told venita... and she finally cared enough to read my stuff and get the exact wrong idea about lots of things. After that I almost deleted the thing... but it evolved.
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:
so recent entries have been "edited" by my brain as I type....
not even here can I really type the truth it seems.
I do like to write however and there can always be
a way to see the person
by reading what he spews
and pulling from that what works for you.
And if what I write EVER hurts you...
know THIS is RULE 1...
I NEVER meant to hurt you... who ever you are...
take these words personally
take them in as you read
to the logical conclusion
I am an empathetic person...
I feel every hurt I give out...

I live not alone but lonely in a house that looks like
the place I would love to be.
I live with a person that barely makes it through each day
It smells like a really good nightmare
and there are days when any place else pulls like a magnet
that will not relent
till I fall asleep and begin to fight again
the next day
the next time

so its sin
or its letting off steam
its small crime to keep from doing the worst
you take it in small steps
one would think...

the devil just laughs at you
when you cry and complain.
and don't forget, failure here is not an option

















۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *lays her head against You as she reads* that's quite a bit Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay here's some irony the other window just crashed with out saving this is the only copy... now
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* a sign Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay so NOW you are a part


▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay you read that I have a wife... there is a long story that goes with that
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i thought there may be Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: bottom line is this.... we don't don't have sex... she has at least one boyfriend... its been this way years... my choice is to put up with this for now... or I don't get to live with my kids she's not mentally well and she won't get help she's very functional however... and she is smart ....
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *nods*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: she thinks I am alternately not to blame for what is wrong and then hates me intensely at times too and while I have heard lots of advice about leaving... BELIEVE ME... most guys wouldhave left I didn't and I'm not going to right now...its not very happy in my real life day to day someone I once loved enough to marry ...make my slave wife...for gosh sakes.... has changed so much and HATES me so much it astounds me



۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: unfortunately Sir, i do understand
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: maybe 3 kids do that to a woman... maybe they only did it to HER... she did have terrible post partum and there is a "history" of some mental problem with her birth mom ...she's adopted she is a bulimic for over 20 yrs she's turned some of her brain to mush perhaps exhales











۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: feels nice to have it said, doesn't it Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and that's just the short version of half of what I have to say
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* say all You feel You need to Sir, i'm glad to listen
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: if you notice... on my name... you see a note and a snail
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: yes Sir, i have noticed
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: its my way of acknowledging two special slaves first ...is nikki
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: the note -shes early 30's lives in toronto area ...she's my good good long time like 4 yrs friend when we first talked we cybered lots and we were passionate... and in a way she was collared... only ON line and not with much formality... but it was a great thing and we are still good friends
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i see Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: she looks out for me now to make sure I don't get my heartbroken... technically she's collared but we have not "played" in at least a year... I'd have to check and the cute thing about her is every conversation ends with "shit jeff's coming bye" so we dont' talk much ....so what... once a month hello how are you... and the thing is she means it she cares how I am
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: if she wanted out of her "collar" she could ask... we dont' talk about it
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: it's good to have friends like that Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: when I first started out on line I didn't take on line relationships very seriously the first chatroom I was in ...that I called home 2 girls asked for my collar they liked to play together on line and they liked the idea of both being my on line slaves so they were the first 2 BOTH are friends and would say nice things about me to you and that was the beginning of Sir's Stable... it was not serious but I liked how it shocked or pissed off some ppl
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and it fed my ego nicely to have 2 girls it was rarely a conflict... since they had different schedules etc and they were friends too we all liked each other
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: sounds like it worked nicely Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and I have always said to each girl... that was collared.... I may not be the right guy forever... for you but you will learn and be better for the time you are with me its turned out to be true mostly if there is better out there for you... I will help you get there even etc... but THAT was when I thought I was happily married 5 -6 yrs ago
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i see Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: I didn't need it to be any certain way... I was already in love then my wife fell in love with someone from on line and I learned first hand how REAL an on line relationship can be for godsakes she's never met the guy to this day YEARS later...and she hopes every day to IM with him. how am I doing? you with me so far?
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: yes Sir, just thinking of what You say
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay so .... through the years then ...Sirs Stable has had a few slaves some collars were never to be more than on line others were hopeful of meeting ...others were lies and they came and went.... and there are a couple that I wish I could have collared that got away... and I hope to God...that we don't hurt each other any more....

۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *sighs softly* it is nice to know that You have a past Sir... i makes me feel better about my own Sir

▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: honestly this is partly why I am telling you I really would like to know you better so I have to be honest and tell you stuff there's no way you can learn all about me in a few words or stories or descriptions or labels but I want you to know ME... and if you are going to like ME... you should know ...not some made up person but ME I have my good points too
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* yes Sir You do

▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: the Sir's Stable story leads us to of all the girls that were in Sir's Stable... the only one I have met in person is snail

if you read about me... there is plenty about snail in there
she is ALSO named nikki and she is ALSO from toronto area (believe it or not) she is 21 and she lives at home... God help her... (her father has abused her since she was young) this fall I will have known her "on line" 2 yrs and we met in person in April/May after that however she can't really move here and I can't go there too much
she has been good for me... and has gone from being pretty much a newbie to learning a lot about D/s lifestyle and fun... however I am REALLY wanting her to get counselling and get out of that house and get a life that works together.... the irony then is that she's my slave but can't do what she has to do OR does she just do it more slowly than we'd all like ...THUS...she is snail. I love her... but I also want what is best for her and I can't truly be what's best for her in the long run... however I DO know I am good for her ...help her stay focused perhaps... and IF she gets help... that would be the real goal ...FIRST ...on line she's my slave.

she's also expressed an interest in one day having a sister slave to play with and I've always been clear that I want that ..when I play time to have what I want... and 2 girls are a something I handle well frankly ...
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *nods*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and I know that timing doesn't always work out... so I don't say I know what is going to happen
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: of course Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: NOW... that all said....
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: You amaze me in new ways every time we talk Sir....
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: this was not easy to get out and I DO NOT want to screw up... hurt you in any way - so truth... that is the short version of lots of stuff

۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: well Sir, then You should know, that nothing You've said tonight has done anything but make me feel closer to You





"how your soul learns... blessed and burned in the fire of your life!"