okay it is killing me that I have not been writing...

so many thoughts pent up and not getting out of my stressed out brain.

first off folks probably want to know the fun stuff...

well, this week there was some fun stuff and some not so fun stuff on line.

I am considering all possibilities and enjoy looking at profiles....
imagining with each new person what it might be like to meet ...
to play even...

to relax...

and be treated well....


its truly amazing sometimes how things evolve and change....

I find myself unable to talk unable to write unable to change the course of what is going to happen next.

and yet if I am unable - what does that make my life... besides a lie to myself?


this week it was great to have pixi back on line but we immediately had a misunderstanding about her collar status... I love her so... she has been such a strong person in the face of her struggles... very inspiring and always loving towards me. there is so much more about my friend and slave girl pixi that I can't express it well in words here... I regret the distance in miles and years between us... she is real. and wonderful too!

heavens has made a great attempt to be on line as chat with Sir... very obedient and very devoted in the little time she feels well enough to visit.... I wish I could do more.

cunt.... sorry, that's her name now...
is amazing ... she makes me crazy because I care so much...
I know in my heart there is no way to know what she really is about until we meet... and even then it will take knowing her for a long time... to see how she goes after her goals in life.... she is so young . And because I care I don't want to add to the abuse she's suffered... she deserves a chance...at something better.

I do chat with many subs and slaves each week ...some mean a great deal ...some are just a tease ...others looking for information and others simply lost and not knowing..... some that a month ago moved me have....er ..moved on... others simply dropped out of site with out saying anything....
each participates at different levels... that is important to remember when weighing the importance of on line relationships.

frankly I can admit to liking the attention of willing submissives...


meanwhile,



all of that is filler....

killing time till I make the biggest decisions.


venita...
time slips away...
the pretty girl I love ...is lost.

an invalid.

what good does it do to cry, beg, demand, leave or stay.
what example will it be to my sons to be this man much longer...

my spirit girl
my reason for doing what life demands.
my promises to myself and God.
my failure ...that I deny.

time to forgive and heal or time blow up the world....

it is sometimes hard to distinguish...
hard to pull your friend from the quicksand...
when you up to your eyeball already.


someone told me this week I need a vacation....
I need a lot of things...
but I wont' be getting them.



I am the responsible one everyone counts on....
and don't worry everyone....



I will still be here...
just a bit grumpy.


:(

...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?