...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?

**worth saying again***


there is truth and there are lies.
there is no such thing as "change of destiny"...
there is only weakness of character.

there can be no justification...
there can be no excuse.

you can not look your child in the face and say...
I had to be selfish to survive and so screw you and what I wanted to teach you about the world.

if you don't love
and if you don't mean forever.
your promises mean nothing.

why should anyone trust you?
you don't do what you say...
you do what helps you survive...
God help anyone that gets in the way.

...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?



she is a liar
and her promises mean nothing.

nothing to her...

just remember that when you think that you love her

first - comes her pain...

that is permission to use you.
her sad story will manipulate
and empty you of all your sure directions...

into the murky uncertain future...
that she describes so well as she's lying.

you march so happily,
like an adolescent with a brand new porno mag
...to your certain slaugther.

the best lies hold you like morphine....
floating on a cloud of titties...
you don't care now - it is new and it is forbidden
she is heaven and hell ...she is the devil in red...
and she's the girl next door? how can that be?

It is easy...

She can't do what she says she can do...
she doesn't have what she says she has to give you...
she won't be there when you need her...
and she will say it is her fault, blame her....she says.

now listen to the lie as you faulter...
but never fault HER.

she TOLD YOU ...upfront (didn't she?)

if she's hurting
its okay to lie.

§ir W/£ove says:

§ir W/£ove says:
*snaps his fingers*
shanabitch in training says:
kneels down before Sir....legs spread wide apart, back straight...palms up on thigns and she says good morning Sir
§ir W/£ove says:
good morning slave
§ir W/£ove says:
I have read everything
shanabitch in training says:
Thank You Sir for saying good morning Sir
shanabitch in training says:
uhoh
§ir W/£ove says:
I am simply moved
shanabitch in training says:
oh Sir...will help you not t be moved...is loaded with pms this morning Sir
§ir W/£ove says:
you are simply wonderful ...*finger under your chin lifting slightly*
§ir W/£ove says:
I know
shanabitch in training says:
Sir...i never wat to be smothery to You...please let me know if i need to back away...it will be done with no words spoken wat=want and You Sir are the wonderful one
§ir W/£ove says:
ty slut
shanabitch in training says:
You are welcum Sir
§ir W/£ove says:
I have had an amazing past 48 hour
§ir W/£ove says:
+s
§ir W/£ove says:
hours
§ir W/£ove says:
I am grateful to you in a way I cannot express
§ir W/£ove says:
and while things are the same exactly here
§ir W/£ove says:
in me they are better
§ir W/£ove says:
all I wanted was some kind of plan and a way to measure my progress
§ir W/£ove says:
I feel I have that
§ir W/£ove says:
I found something
§ir W/£ove says:
figured out something
§ir W/£ove says:
it is a paradox
§ir W/£ove says:
and in my depression
§ir W/£ove says:
I couldn't see it
§ir W/£ove says:
but you got me a chance to get out of the fog and check the map
§ir W/£ove says:
the paradox
§ir W/£ove says:
is that I must show I care with the steadfast love of her forever Man... her husband her friend... and NOT care what she does
§ir W/£ove says:
I found that there are many examples in my life where
§ir W/£ove says:
I already do this
§ir W/£ove says:
and reminded her about them
§ir W/£ove says:
she agreed ... and I added
§ir W/£ove says:
that it will be tricky
§ir W/£ove says:
because how shes my efforts
§ir W/£ove says:
she may misinterpret them
§ir W/£ove says:
but that my plan was clear ... to show her that even tho I may not even truly like the idea sometimes I will always be there for her... and in the meantime I don't give a fuck what she does I would just like to see her smile
§ir W/£ove says:
whadda ya think
shanabitch in training says:
....damn i want to hug You Sir...and not of a cheap feel...
§ir W/£ove says:
everything is so complicated with her
shanabitch in training says:
i think You Sir by taking care of *self* will be able to be there for her & boys and will be able to tacke any problems as long as self is cared for first
§ir W/£ove says:
and she's making it more complicated not less ...all in an effort to get over Mario
shanabitch in training says:
and that is why Sir loves her
§ir W/£ove says:
so I really can't be part of it
§ir W/£ove says:
we talked about splitting our money
shanabitch in training says:
no but on the sidelines to comfort her Sir can
shanabitch in training says:
splitting money is always an eye opener
§ir W/£ove says:
Randy really wants her and will make things very easy for her if she decides to go the easy route
§ir W/£ove says:
he has already offered her money
§ir W/£ove says:
so it may really be that she has to meet him to get over Mario
§ir W/£ove says:
and she may actually help find him a place
§ir W/£ove says:
and perhaps that means she would leave this house
§ir W/£ove says:
and of all the possible scenarios that would be the least awful for the boys
§ir W/£ove says:
so the months ahead will tell if Randy can be the man he wants to be with her in the face of all she is and has to face in herself
§ir W/£ove says:
if he can help heal her... more power to him
§ir W/£ove says:
I care that way about her really I do
§ir W/£ove says:
in the long run I am the one she will miss... I am the perfect guy afterall
shanabitch in training says:
Sir loves enough to want her happy....none is any truer than the love you have Sir
shanabitch in training says:
i wanna a hug
§ir W/£ove says:
I told her she likes how I am with the boys and she loves her children
§ir W/£ove says:
and that will always make me the best man for her
§ir W/£ove says:
but she will have to come to that herself
§ir W/£ove says:
that when we first met I had the power over her and none of the sense to use it right
§ir W/£ove says:
and now I have the understanding
shanabitch in training says:
and Sir also knows how he does NOT want to be with the boys if she leaves...and He will make sure a sifference is seen if only in Hios eyes
§ir W/£ove says:
and want my power back
shanabitch in training says:
not mean that that way
shanabitch in training says:
meaning you dont want to taet boys like you were when parents split
shanabitch in training says:
and Sir will get it...by taking care of self
§ir W/£ove says:
I don't know much about how to raise the boys apart
§ir W/£ove says:
I don't want any other men in their lives
§ir W/£ove says:
that is probably unreasonable
§ir W/£ove says:
so I will stay here and be strong
§ir W/£ove says:
stay here and be Dad
§ir W/£ove says:
do it all and love myself for it
shanabitch in training says:
smiles with tears
§ir W/£ove says:
stop myself hatred and thinking I am not good
§ir W/£ove says:
or worthy
§ir W/£ove says:
I am not going to let the monster win
shanabitch in training says:
and i will remain your spirit angel as long as you wish
§ir W/£ove says:
and from now when she does something hurtful to me
§ir W/£ove says:
if its something that made her feel good... I will say simply good for you
shanabitch in training says:
Sir has already won on this line of thinking
§ir W/£ove says:
if it is something hurtful to me that didn't make her feel good I will say... now that was a bad choice.. but I forgive you
shanabitch in training says:
smiles
§ir W/£ove says:
((hugs))
shanabitch in training says:
i am so proud of YOU
§ir W/£ove says:
I can't let Randy (as nice as he seems) or any other man win because he has nothing to lose... and can act like he doesn't give a fuck if she hurts him
§ir W/£ove says:
I have to truly not care... and let go
§ir W/£ove says:
and yet be steadfast...
§ir W/£ove says:
thus the paradox
shanabitch in training says:
letting go does not mean you dont care it means you do quick question
§ir W/£ove says:
yes
shanabitch in training says:
where di all of this thinking come from Sir...you have totally changed your whole outlook
§ir W/£ove says:
I must have a friend/slave that had something to do with it
§ir W/£ove says:
my spirit girl lives in you right now... it is amazing
§ir W/£ove says:
she has travelled and moved
§ir W/£ove says:
around my life
§ir W/£ove says:
never in my arms long enough but always my guide and the one that said
§ir W/£ove says:
the magic words
shanabitch in training says:
this slave wishes she could take credit....but cant...Sir had it all the time....just needed the spitir to tell him he was loved
§ir W/£ove says:
DON'T WORRY BABY








...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?

...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?


*shakes his head*


truth ommited is still kind of like lying....
























she never told me she was having a biopsy today....







until this arrived in an off line message.... at yahoo.




of course EVERYONE on her list got this message.





************

awwbabygirl (3/18/04 5:58 am)
In the morning when I wake up, fill up my smiley face cup, I say a little prayer for ..." No (smiles) its not a coffeemate comericial lol but U could say a little prayer for Venita. I have 2 lumps and a biopsy this morning... TY XOXOXOXO


*************

is this real or only meant to scare the boys she likes into doing something?

do I respond? or am I just one more fool who did....
if I do....

...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?


blood filled tears run down my face, there's no escape from this painful grace. A burden to which i must call life, an eternity of pain and strife.

now here it is my amazing story...told the truth without the glory...
wrapped in messy wrapping paper... done with sharp blades ...its a scraper
in and out and up and down... lookie here we've at what we've found....
ugly pictures on the wall... don't think it looks like home at all
damn right I'm angry and so what... its off and on and now I'll cut
I want to tell the world the truth... I'm all locked up inside a booth ...
its cold and dark and no one cares... I tell myself and blankly stare

but I don't know cuz I don't try..I sit around and cry cry cry...
now tomorrow I got great big plans
I'm turning bottles into cans....

no deposit no return
don't give a fuck and dont' get burned
so now again it sucks to be... all the people inside me...
I know there's got to be away...its just not something seen today...
not from here and not right now.... just the pain just the owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

so here it is ...it all right there...
angels lost their underwrear

its ugly when you shine a light on all the crap that isn't right



but lastly I will not relent... because the truth



it must be sent
















§ir W/£ove says:
where you been?
says:
not been able to get on...and i've just been..well around i guess??
§ir W/£ove says:

§ir W/£ove says:
(covers you in pinches and kisses )
says:
ty SIr
§ir W/£ove says:
I am glad that you are here ((hugs))
§ir W/£ove says:
what?
§ir W/£ove says:
I am just sitting here staring
§ir W/£ove says:
you 2?
says:
blood filled tears run down my face, there's no escape from this painful grace. A burden to which i must call life, an eternity of pain and strife.
§ir W/£ove says:
now here it is my amazing story...told the truth without the glory...
§ir W/£ove says:
wrapped in messing wrapping paper... done with sharp blades ...its a scraper
§ir W/£ove says:
messy
§ir W/£ove says:
not messing....geez fuck crap
says:
i knew what You meant
§ir W/£ove says:
in and out and up and down... lookie here we've at what we've found....
§ir W/£ove says:
ugly pictures on the wall... don't think it looks like home at all
says:

§ir W/£ove says:
damn right I'm angry and so what... its off and on and now I'll cut
§ir W/£ove says:
I want to tell the world the truth... I'm all locked up inside a booth ... its cold and dark and no one cares... I tell myself and blankly stare
says:
i care Sir i care
§ir W/£ove says:
but I don't know cuz I don't try..I sit around and cry cry cry...
§ir W/£ove says:
now tomorrow I got great big plans
§ir W/£ove says:
I'm turning bottles into cans....
§ir W/£ove says:
no deposit no return
§ir W/£ove says:
don't give a fuck and dont' get burned
§ir W/£ove says:
so now again it sucks to be... all the people inside me... I know there's got to be away...its just not something seen today... not from here and not right now.... just the pain just the owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
says:

§ir W/£ove says:
so here it is ...it all right there... angels lost their underwrear
§ir W/£ove says:
its ugly when you shine a light on all the crap that isn't right
§ir W/£ove says:
but lastly I will not relent... because the truth
§ir W/£ove says:
it must be sent
§ir W/£ove says:
**okay I"m done
§ir W/£ove says:
((hugs))
§ir W/£ove says:
that was rhyme
§ir W/£ove says:
I don't usually do that
§ir W/£ove says:
inspired by you
says:
that was really awesome Sir
says:

I really don't want to go home...

I imagine her on the phone or worse... wishing he would call her and sitting there not talking to me...
not loving me...
crying over him....


but my sons need someone sane around...
so I will be brave and go...

where I am not wanted.

Home





...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?

there is truth and there are lies.
there is no such thing as "change of destiny"...
there is only weakness of character.

there can be no justification...
there can be no excuse.

you can not look your child in the face and say...
I had to be selfish to survive and so screw you and what I wanted to teach you about the world.

if you don't love
and if you don't mean forever.
your promises mean nothing.

why should anyone trust you?
you don't do what you say...
you do what helps you survive...
God help anyone that gets in the way.
















...always more about SirwithLove by going to: http://groups.msn.com/BDSMLairofDarkness/_whatsnew.msnw?