basic human needs?

p-mom: Good Morning Sir

SirwLove: hi there
p-mom: How are You this day Sir?

SirwLove: so far so good for no damn good reason ...hows you?

p-mom: a girl is still alive, although after yesterday, she is still thinking that the kiss of cold sharp steel would ease her existance yesterday was a very long day

SirwLove: for me as well... we are starting fresh today focus on the good things
p-mom: smiles.. nice try Sir

SirwLove: like favorite songs... name some like favorite places... name some like favorite body parts.. lol name some

p-mom: Jon dumped me yesterday or rather a girl should say... Jon decided to stop seeing a girl yesterday
SirwLove: hmmmmm and his reasoning?
p-mom: he claims to have lost interest in sex which... a girl suspects is possible but...a girl even made it clear to him that while the sex is awesome, it is not the other reason she enjoys his company
SirwLove: that's a lousy answer on his part
p-mom: He said he didn't need friends
SirwLove: but okay fine whatever... we knew it was a flawed relationship... maybe this creates the space for something good to happen... I feel that

p-mom: aye..everyone has the same bit of wisdom..everything will be fine..

SirwLove: ((hugs)) its hard to see from where you are... but I feel it

p-mom: But you know it won't ever be fine again... because your heart has died in your chest, only it is too stupid to quit beating

SirwLove: well that seems overly dramatic since you knew he was not "all that" or "the guy"... if you heart quit beating over this guy... then you NEEDED him out of your life so you can create the space for something good that is coming ... like if you were gonna get a brand new HD flat screen tv you need to remove the old one so there is a space for the new

p-mom: i fell in love with Jon a long time ago...and have dealt...more or less with my feelins without letting him know
SirwLove: (((hugs))) well if he knew that ...then what he's done is cruel ...I'm sorry

p-mom: somehow...i don't think he did oh.. i think he might has suspected

SirwLove: okay THEN if he suspected ... and am guessing he did... he felt guilty cuz he didn't love you ... was too chicken shit to say so and pulled this EXCUSE

p-mom: the thing that is so hard to deal with...is.. a girl has worked very hard to cultivate her "relationship" with jon...and he is the only man a girl has had for months aside from when we played in a menage

SirwLove: it will be okay... you just can't see from where you are standing but I can see... just like I can't see past my mess
p-mom: this kind of leaves a girl...with only Bob
SirwLove: well girl ... I understand this perspective but its unfocused and incorrect ...stop saying it to yourself its a flawed tape
p-mom: is it?

SirwLove: yep... its the devil TRYING to make you self-hate
p-mom: the fact is.. a girl let all the rest of her "friends with benefits" slide

SirwLove: its flawed logic that LOOKS AND SEEMS like real but is in fact .... a skewed vision of you

p-mom: none of them could match how jon made me feel.. how easily the body responded to him

SirwLove: the "friend" that you mentioned to me before ... that said ....what was it that you told me ??? you were ... he said you were high maintenance or you were pushy or something what was it

p-mom: a girl openly admits to being a high maintenance submissive
SirwLove: lol not the point help me remember... what did he say? that I disagreed with sort of

p-mom: a girl doesn't know, Sir.. she could reread the archives...

SirwLove: anyway my point is that you do display great passion and desire and need
SirwLove: those are good things
SirwLove: however you compromise getting something longer lasting by demanding or needing something on a certain schedule.... its like...um

SirwLove: my business ruleSirwLove: there is good ...fast and inexpensive
SirwLove: but you only get to pick 2
SirwLove: its a ruleSirwLove: you can't get around it
p-mom: we've talked about that

SirwLove: and self hate is not in the equation
SirwLove: so ....

p-mom: and i don't.. self hate...this bit with jon.. only confuses me

SirwLove: okay perhaps that term is too strong

SirwLove: you said:

p-mom: But you know it won't ever be fine again... because your heart has died in your chest, only it is too stupid to quit beating

p-mom: he's waffled so badly over the course of the 9 months or so that he and i have known each other
SirwLove: referring to oneself as stupid ... is a form of self hate... mild to be sure but that was my point
p-mom: not oneself... reread what i wrote.. oh yeah.. and that is a line from a book by marion zimmer bradley

SirwLove: nods... okay I may not be saying it correctly for you to hear sorry

p-mom: see.. i've worked hard to keep things balanced for jon.. * that old submissive thing again.. everyone elses needs first
SirwLove: you are a good person ...good things will come to you... I believe if you create the space it will flow and happen

p-mom: and i have learned how to channel the emotional part of it so that i could deal with not seeing him but...and i know this sounds ridiculous... the body has not responded to any one else since i met jon i actually thought it was broke once

SirwLove: I know how that feels
p-mom: had a friend with benefits over one afternoon... a day when i should have soaked the bed... barely wet a towel... the body knew that the man wasn't jon and responded accordingly

SirwLove: okay ...understood... but that underscores what I am trying to say... you have a bad habit there in jon... create the space that it take to heal and it will fix and be BETTER with time

p-mom: nods.. and in the meantime.. i can continue to go quietly insane

SirwLove: well I run those club meetings

p-mom: as it stands... the boat that you are in is similar to the one i am in... physical needs are not being met.. masturbation aleviates the pressure for a time, but does not last for very long i am feeling sorry for myself.. no argument there as infrequent as jon and i saw each other... in general each visit was sufficient to hold me until the next and while i have met several hundred men who "want a squirtie girlie" this is Michigan..

SirwLove: nods

p-mom: here in Michigan...distance...is always a factor

SirwLove: gas is expensive... its not a throwaway thing to just have sex its an investment -projecting more meaning on meaningless sex than anyone would like
p-mom: i have to go get real life from the bus stop.. i'll be back

SirwLove: kk hugs
SirwLove: you have a kindergardener?
SirwLove: right?

p-mom: yes I do the " real life" I just fetched from the bus

SirwLove: there is NOTHING about sex that equals the joy of talking one of them when they get out of school
p-mom: at what point.. did either of us equate sex... with anything other than physical stress relief? some people work out.. to relieve stress some.. run..
SirwLove: yes... p-mom: some do drugs.. goddess knows there are a sufficient quantity of legal stress relieving drugs on the market these days

SirwLove: lol I think I have a point in all of this somewhere... I'm sorry you are hurting ((hugs))
p-mom: it is.. a standard state of affairs with me i don't know a time when i wasnt' hurting
SirwLove: that maybe true for me as well... but I'm not going to focus my sights on that... its not survival friendly
p-mom: well... i am tickled that you at least are able to focus your sights on ignoring basic human need
SirwLove: well if I have no food... lets say... and not going to have any for a few days till I get paid... lets say... does it do me much good to lament that I don't have food ? or to focus on what I do have that can get me by and fulfill and pass time till something better happens and food is available... rather than go to the store ...break in and take food saying its my basic need ... I have to have it

SirwLove: hypothetically speaking

p-mom: listen... i understand what you are trying to get across god knows i went a year...without sex the issue is...i wasn't a nice person for a lot of that year.. and i did make the point of telling jon.. that as awesome as it is.. sex is not the only reason i enjoyed hanging out with him there's the human companionship thing..humans.. are herd animals..we are not.. nor have we ever been solitary creatures

those of us who think otherwise go quietly insane...think in terms of the Unibomber for instance we are not meant to be alone...without others of our own kind to share our time with text on a screen is nice.. it opens the world to new possibilities...

SirwLove: agreed

p-mom: but.. it does not replace... and listen closely to this.. it does not replace human touch, human voice, human interaction
SirwLove: agreed

p-mom: ok.. all that said.. i love my children i work midnights so that my mini domme does not have to know day care
SirwLove: nods... yes
p-mom: my days at home..with the kids are spent... talking to people under the age of 5 for the most part.. enlightening to be sure...but...there are only just so many things one can say to a two year old that do not involve "get down from there"
SirwLove: chuckles... agreed

p-mom: ok...all of that said Jon... could make me smile.. giggle, and outright laugh without ever taking his clothes off. He is intelligent, and not afraid to be intelligent. interacting with him...gave me a really good reason to continue to be intelligent

SirwLove: nods

p-mom: again... human interaction we are not meant to be solitary creatures and as much as i swear i hate people...

SirwLove: I agree with what you are saying

p-mom: i know.. that as a human.. i can't go extended periods without having a conversation.. without touching another human not without going slowly, irrevocably mad and please do not give me the line about getting that human interaction from my children i love my kids... and would give my life for any of them but... there is no way...that even the most devoted parent can focus solely on the needs of their children without causing themselves great emotional harm

SirwLove: have not disagreed ... scrolls back to check... nope I agree
p-mom: .. we are back to the beginning
p-mom: how long can a person exist in a vacuum? how long can any human exist without...love

SirwLove: you are talking about 2 conditions...however
SirwLove: sex vs love
SirwLove: touch vs... interaction
SirwLove: something that lasts and means something spiritual vs... a "workout"
SirwLove: both important however
p-mom: well.. given that.. the whole.. something that lasts and mean something spiritual has not existed in my world for nearly a year now...and i tend to think that it likely won't ever exist in my world again...

SirwLove: that's often how I feel
SirwLove: got that part ...yes

p-mom: I had a "deep meaningful spiritual" relationship
SirwLove: maybe those are illusions that we create to give our lives meaning... its a chicken/egg thing
p-mom: who are you trying to convince? life.. is an illusion
SirwLove: excellent metaphor.... Joseph Campbellp-mom: life really is an illusion because each of us perceives their existance... differentlySirwLove: we come from The God energy source ...to this life to teach our soul "something" and then return to be one again with the God energy source - and that immortal place is what is "real" and this life... illusion with blinders to teach a lesson


SirwLove: and that ended the convo eh? well I like to get the last word anyway




"how your soul learns... blessed and burned in the fire of your life!"

recent entries

You have just sent a Nudge!

۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: wb Sir
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: would You excuse me a moment please Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: yes of course... I'm writing too
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: thank You Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: my fingers are on the keyboard not typing anything
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* why Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: what a weird feeling... been waiting all day to type to you... and fingers are frozen
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* You don't need to type anything Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: I was just blogging spewing writing once upon a time I did a lot more and have been slow since june at typing in my blog journal thingy hehehe watch out ... I should say if we have a great conversation you might end up in my blog
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i don't see how that is a bad thing Sir *smiles*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: not really bad...
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i'm not much of a writer Sir so i guess i really wouldn't understand *offers You a pizza roll*

▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:okay I'll share some if you dont mind
****
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:
well there's been not enough typing and way too much thinking...
you see the point of blogging really for me is to mentally vomit out all that I carry around...
its my place to throw out everything the good and the bad and see what is real...
sometimes just typing something MAKES it look like the truth... but we all know the internet is full of half truth.
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says:
*curls up happily agains You*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:
I wanted this blog, at first, to be the whole truth and let the chips fall where they may...
that worked really well until the day Randy(boyfriend of my good friend, co-parent and still yes... wife venita) read my blog and told venita... and she finally cared enough to read my stuff and get the exact wrong idea about lots of things. After that I almost deleted the thing... but it evolved.
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says:
so recent entries have been "edited" by my brain as I type....
not even here can I really type the truth it seems.
I do like to write however and there can always be
a way to see the person
by reading what he spews
and pulling from that what works for you.
And if what I write EVER hurts you...
know THIS is RULE 1...
I NEVER meant to hurt you... who ever you are...
take these words personally
take them in as you read
to the logical conclusion
I am an empathetic person...
I feel every hurt I give out...

I live not alone but lonely in a house that looks like
the place I would love to be.
I live with a person that barely makes it through each day
It smells like a really good nightmare
and there are days when any place else pulls like a magnet
that will not relent
till I fall asleep and begin to fight again
the next day
the next time

so its sin
or its letting off steam
its small crime to keep from doing the worst
you take it in small steps
one would think...

the devil just laughs at you
when you cry and complain.
and don't forget, failure here is not an option

















۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *lays her head against You as she reads* that's quite a bit Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay here's some irony the other window just crashed with out saving this is the only copy... now
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* a sign Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay so NOW you are a part


▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay you read that I have a wife... there is a long story that goes with that
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i thought there may be Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: bottom line is this.... we don't don't have sex... she has at least one boyfriend... its been this way years... my choice is to put up with this for now... or I don't get to live with my kids she's not mentally well and she won't get help she's very functional however... and she is smart ....
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *nods*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: she thinks I am alternately not to blame for what is wrong and then hates me intensely at times too and while I have heard lots of advice about leaving... BELIEVE ME... most guys wouldhave left I didn't and I'm not going to right now...its not very happy in my real life day to day someone I once loved enough to marry ...make my slave wife...for gosh sakes.... has changed so much and HATES me so much it astounds me



۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: unfortunately Sir, i do understand
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: maybe 3 kids do that to a woman... maybe they only did it to HER... she did have terrible post partum and there is a "history" of some mental problem with her birth mom ...she's adopted she is a bulimic for over 20 yrs she's turned some of her brain to mush perhaps exhales











۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: feels nice to have it said, doesn't it Sir?
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and that's just the short version of half of what I have to say
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* say all You feel You need to Sir, i'm glad to listen
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: if you notice... on my name... you see a note and a snail
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: yes Sir, i have noticed
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: its my way of acknowledging two special slaves first ...is nikki
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: the note -shes early 30's lives in toronto area ...she's my good good long time like 4 yrs friend when we first talked we cybered lots and we were passionate... and in a way she was collared... only ON line and not with much formality... but it was a great thing and we are still good friends
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i see Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: she looks out for me now to make sure I don't get my heartbroken... technically she's collared but we have not "played" in at least a year... I'd have to check and the cute thing about her is every conversation ends with "shit jeff's coming bye" so we dont' talk much ....so what... once a month hello how are you... and the thing is she means it she cares how I am
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: if she wanted out of her "collar" she could ask... we dont' talk about it
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: it's good to have friends like that Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: when I first started out on line I didn't take on line relationships very seriously the first chatroom I was in ...that I called home 2 girls asked for my collar they liked to play together on line and they liked the idea of both being my on line slaves so they were the first 2 BOTH are friends and would say nice things about me to you and that was the beginning of Sir's Stable... it was not serious but I liked how it shocked or pissed off some ppl
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and it fed my ego nicely to have 2 girls it was rarely a conflict... since they had different schedules etc and they were friends too we all liked each other
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: sounds like it worked nicely Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and I have always said to each girl... that was collared.... I may not be the right guy forever... for you but you will learn and be better for the time you are with me its turned out to be true mostly if there is better out there for you... I will help you get there even etc... but THAT was when I thought I was happily married 5 -6 yrs ago
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: i see Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: I didn't need it to be any certain way... I was already in love then my wife fell in love with someone from on line and I learned first hand how REAL an on line relationship can be for godsakes she's never met the guy to this day YEARS later...and she hopes every day to IM with him. how am I doing? you with me so far?
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: yes Sir, just thinking of what You say
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: okay so .... through the years then ...Sirs Stable has had a few slaves some collars were never to be more than on line others were hopeful of meeting ...others were lies and they came and went.... and there are a couple that I wish I could have collared that got away... and I hope to God...that we don't hurt each other any more....

۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *sighs softly* it is nice to know that You have a past Sir... i makes me feel better about my own Sir

▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: honestly this is partly why I am telling you I really would like to know you better so I have to be honest and tell you stuff there's no way you can learn all about me in a few words or stories or descriptions or labels but I want you to know ME... and if you are going to like ME... you should know ...not some made up person but ME I have my good points too
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *smiles* yes Sir You do

▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: the Sir's Stable story leads us to of all the girls that were in Sir's Stable... the only one I have met in person is snail

if you read about me... there is plenty about snail in there
she is ALSO named nikki and she is ALSO from toronto area (believe it or not) she is 21 and she lives at home... God help her... (her father has abused her since she was young) this fall I will have known her "on line" 2 yrs and we met in person in April/May after that however she can't really move here and I can't go there too much
she has been good for me... and has gone from being pretty much a newbie to learning a lot about D/s lifestyle and fun... however I am REALLY wanting her to get counselling and get out of that house and get a life that works together.... the irony then is that she's my slave but can't do what she has to do OR does she just do it more slowly than we'd all like ...THUS...she is snail. I love her... but I also want what is best for her and I can't truly be what's best for her in the long run... however I DO know I am good for her ...help her stay focused perhaps... and IF she gets help... that would be the real goal ...FIRST ...on line she's my slave.

she's also expressed an interest in one day having a sister slave to play with and I've always been clear that I want that ..when I play time to have what I want... and 2 girls are a something I handle well frankly ...
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: *nods*
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: and I know that timing doesn't always work out... so I don't say I know what is going to happen
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: of course Sir
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: NOW... that all said....
۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: You amaze me in new ways every time we talk Sir....
▫§ìřwith£övê▫ says: this was not easy to get out and I DO NOT want to screw up... hurt you in any way - so truth... that is the short version of lots of stuff

۵ъяδќєи˚ςħąĩиş۵ says: well Sir, then You should know, that nothing You've said tonight has done anything but make me feel closer to You





"how your soul learns... blessed and burned in the fire of your life!"