And I feel that time’s a wasted go
So where ya going to tommorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?

And I feel it
And I feel it

Where ya going for tommorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?

And I feel it
And she feels it

Where ya going to tommorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it

Where ya going for tommorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
To find it
To find it
To find it






Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

she keeps trying to tell me that she's moving on and letting go of Mario...
but there is no evidence...

I am not even allowed to point out how she hurts me any longer...
she can't take the "crushing guilt" I "inflict" on her.

she wants to go again to Indiana...
and the threat is that if I don't agree ...she won't eat.

venita how can this be?

how did you do this?

How in the fucking world did you go from being my anything girl to hating me so ?

How do I protect the boys from what you are capable of?

INCREDIBLE!



*******************

meanwhile snail was on the IM from her parents house yesterday...
mom saw... told dad...
dad hit her several times...
and that's my fault I guess...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

*******************8




Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

(sn): awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww omfg You just made my day by writing that~!!!!!!!!!!!!! god i love You Sir BUZZ!!! yup yup
SirwLove: now what did I write that made you smile????
(sn): You posted in Your blog the little postie note i left You at work You have no idea how much that means to me Sir
SirwLove: you have no idea how many times I"ve read it
BUZZ!!!
(sn): really?
SirwLove: really really
(sn): God You have no idea how close i am to just packing and leaving right now
SirwLove: yeah me too...lol really
(sn): ya really me too
(sn): my mom yesterday suggested that i move back home because i couldn't get a job here..that way i could work and save money during the summer
(sn): i don't even know what i want anymore...i just wanna be with You.
SirwLove: nods... listens...
BUZZ!!!
(sn): Honestly when i was in the hospital, i was thinking what if i die or am going to die what would be the one thing i would want before i did....and most people would assume i would say to be on broadway, or meet hanson, some stupid fantasy i had at some point in my life. But instead the answer i came up with was You. i realized if i could only have one more thing it would just to be with You one more time. To feel Your arms wrapped around me, to feel Your kisses, Your love, to share laughter, smiles, listen to music talk about whatever all the good stuffSirwLove: ty my little one... ty

(sn): Love You Sir

SirwLove: I woke up crying this morning... I have to keep going but I don't' know how much more I can do
(sn): What can i do to help?
(sn): I'm putting a care package together for You and the boys
SirwLove: awwwwwwwwww
SirwLove: I want to help you too
(sn): You do
(sn): brb
(sn): phone
SirwLove: kk
SirwLove: koolio
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
SirwLove: been an hour must be the phone call from hell ...lol
(sn): sorry lol
(sn): im back
SirwLove: wb
SirwLove: I read what you wrote above... "Honestly when i was in the hospital, i was thinking ..."
(sn): yes yes
(sn): it is the truth Sir
SirwLove: I wish I had something brilliant to say to that.... I just keep reading it over and over ...love you
(sn): nothing needed to say Sir
(sn): i just wanted You to know how i felt
SirwLove: *hugs*
(sn): to let You know i care and im here for You no matter what
SirwLove: awwwwwwww I am sooooo lucky
(sn): As am i Sir
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
(sn): i can tell Your working so hard Sir
SirwLove: yes I am ...sorry
(sn): no need to be sorry
(sn): sorry*

SirwLove: last night she told me about some guy she met at work and exchanged phone numbers with... then how she was surprised that the guy called...
SirwLove: I told her... You do all this to push me away... And Randy too... To keep us aware that you are not here to stay -she said ... I don't know Joel... I can't tell if its really over for us... I am not willing to say that either but I am certainly still in love with that asshole Mario

(sn): So frustrating
SirwLove: it totally astounding to see how she went from loving me like an idiot 14 yrs ago to just being an idiot
(sn): hugs tight
SirwLove: and you see this has happened to me before... it always starts out hot and good... always going to be love forever
SirwLove: I simply just don't' believe much any more... I feel broken
SirwLove: ty for letting me vent
BUZZ!!!
BUZZ!!!
SirwLove: I know you have your battles too
(sn): np Sir anytime
SirwLove: and I support you in beating your monster
(sn): Sir, please just know that no matter what i will always love You, if it's as a friend, a slave, a lover whatever im always here for You to help in anyway i can, and never be afraid to ask for my help. im a giver not a taker












Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

thanks indie for reminding me to keep blogging ! :D





Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

how are you?

grumpy, as usual...
dying inside...
trying not to show it...

really, what's up?

same ole shit...
you know that she's still in love with that asshole mario...
she's dying ...killing herself.

how do I protect my heart?
how do I find a way to help my sons?

does it seem like money is between you and feeling better?

yes... but I am only one man.









***************************




meanwhile, snail is out of the hospital...
she sounded good on the phone...
I pray she protects herself.

pixi is strong, lovely and loving... bless her.

jade.... a fantasy of the best kind...
rowena... a fantasy of the wildest kind...

lexi and deanna... a fantasy of the painful teasing kind

heavens... I wish I could heal you.

teresa... I miss you














Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

every night I come home to uncertainty...
I am drained from the day
looking for comfort and love...
every evening I return to the unsettled waves of my life...
home to HER...
and what she does is simple...
emasculation
degradation
disrespect
and
anger venting...

every night I am in the way when she wants to throw up...
every night I am glared at for knowing too much...
and every night she tells me more...
does she hope it will kill me or make me her friend?

to talk about the guys she's traded phone numbers with...
to go on about how she cares for someone else...
to call him sweety or honey or anything
to think about how she will never call me handsome again.


every night I am emptied and hollowed...
and I allow it ... it is the price I pay
I say...
to have my boys in my life.

this mess must end...
I can't give up but I can't do this any more either...

I fucking hate / love / hate /love / hate / love...
I fucking hurt /care / hurt / care / hurt / care...

don't wanna love anymore
don't wanna care
don't have the strength to carry this load.

oh Lord... have mercy!






Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

those of you thinking you are alone
separate
on your own
not affected by others
not touched by the war
not drained by the great confuser

each soul
each heart
can only fight this battle as one....

alone we all belong to the devil



Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same
Will it make it easier on you now
You got someone to blame
You say...

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's...

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
Have you come here for forgiveness
Have you come tor raise the dead
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt
One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...life

One

Subject : The slut really suffers
((((a letter from painslutgirl - fantasy girl far away with a talent for writing, ya think?))))


To my supreme and lawful Owner to whom I pledge my nude supine and yielding body for his use, abuse and lust. This slut only exists for his pleasure

To his slavegirls to whom I submissively pledge my nudity, my pain and my constant humiliation for their laughter, this slut only exists for their contempt, amusement and derision.

Sir This useless, pathetic painslut of a whore of a slavegirl sits here still shaking, still sobbing, and still smelling horrible from her vile punishment. She humbly thanks you and your slavegirls for her punishment, which the painslut so richly deserved. Thankyou Sir. xx Thankyou slavegirls xx

She is pleased that you approved of her pain and humiliation and although she hated it she will abuse herself weekly as you command Thankyou Sir xx

She is pleased that slavegirl lexie was disgusted by the gravy. This slut is grateful that your other slavegirls are amused and disgusted by the slut’s actions. The slut exists to amuse and disgust them as long as you approve Sir. Thankyou for your contempt lexie

May this slut please tell you about her punishment, which she obeyed to the letter Sir? She humbly thanks her Owner and his slavegirls for her pain and intense humiliation xx

The slut thanks her Owner and his slavegirls for the privilege of wearing a slip and a dress, the painslut just loves ripping her clothes to pieces and exposing her firm smooth nude breasts, this always produces a gasp of animal lust and a very wet pussy Thankyou Sir xx Thankyou slavegirls.

All those clothes pegs were quite horrible Sir especially the ones on my poor abused pussy, your painslutgirl was writhing with pain and making low moaning noises by the time the last one was in place, her poor bruised breasts were just completely covered with the vile things too Thankyou for my pain Sir xx Thankyou for my humiliation slavegirls.

The slut wore a bright red dress Sir as she went into the garden. It was not raining this time thank goodness. The dress tore open easily, but your slut tore at it again and again until it fluttered to the ground. You had not said to tear the slip, so she just pulled one strap completely off one shoulder, the slut had managed to cram 3 pairs of panties in her mouth, the final pair was hanging out of her mouth. She looked very slutty in her black slip garter belt, hose and high heels. Thankyou Sir xx Thankyou slavegirls

The every day sounds of the suburbs floated in as life carried on, and this made it more sexy and humiliating as slut, blushing deeply crouched to pee into a bowl as ordered. This was especially humiliating Sir. Then the painslut moaned, closed her eyes and emptied the filthy contents all over her, into her lovely hair, it ran down her breasts. She then fell to her knees and lapped the remainder up [there was very little left just a vile taste really] She truly hated this part .Thankyou Sir xx thankyou slavegirls.

The slut lay on the ground to whip her pussy with a heavy leather belt, she really was crying with pain as the belt cut into her tender flesh again and again, but afterwards as she rubbed and massaged her clit she reached a powerful orgasm, threshing and rolling around the ground in lustful pleasure Thankyou Sir xx thankyou slavegirls

Your slut humbly hopes she has pleased you Sir and that her punishment, pain and humiliation has amused your slavegirls. The slut deserves their contempt. If any of your slavegirls, with your permission of course Sir wishes to write and further abuse and humiliate this slut, then this painslut humbly begs that you allow her to do so Sir

With deep submission and abject humiliation

Sir’s painslutgirl

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?









Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

there is a note that snail left here on my desk:

"Baby steps :D One day at a time...things will work out...
your're fucking hot,
breath, close your eyes and think happy thoughts :D

Trust in God, He will take care of us!"


thanks snail princess!

miss you













Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

:( WHERE IS SNAIL??? :(

OH SNAILLLLLLLLL!!!!!

*hope you're feeling better soon!*
















Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

bookended awful weekend...

she left again on Friday
came back again on Sunday
Mario came on Monday night...
and there is no peace for me.

I am stirred up and seething
but I won't be spitting in the wind.
I know what is smart.
I know what will hurt more than the ache I feel now.

and I know something is gonna change.






Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


A very happy psychic
I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest. I was arrested for striking a happy medium.









Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."