Huge fight

venita and I had a huge ...and hurtful fight yesterday morning...
the boys heard me call her a liar...

she makes every fight worse by the mean things she says and this time I didn't back down...
but ended up making myself crazy and hurt.

I made an ass of myself...
yelling... for what?

damn

turning myself over

maybe these aren't the words anyone wants to hear...

but I am hurting and struggling...
its like everyone expects me to heal and get stronger... happier...
all on my own

hehehehe

and you know what?
that is what I expect of others...
so I have to expect more
do more
be more for ME.

I am angry and not healing...
angry at every EVERY thing that doesn't go just right.

its not realistic to expect perfection
but there is not wiggle room for failure...
in any moment.

the pressure is intense...
no wonder I am tired.
fried
lonely
wishing
praying
and turning myself
over
to God



"Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be... it's easy! All you need is LOVE!"